Wulan
by Daisuke Yamauchi
Summary: A parody of Disney's Mulan using GW characters.
1. Part 1

I don

I don't own Gundam Wing. I don't own anything related to Disney. I don't claim to own either of them.

~~~*

Wulan = WuFei  
Wulan's Mother = Lucrezia  
Wulan's Father = Milliardo  
Wulan's Grandmother = Howard  
Mushu = Duo  
Cri-Kee = Hilde  
Yao = Heero  
Ling = Trowa  
Chin Po = Quatre  
Shang = Treize  
Shang's Father = Zechs  
Shan Yu = Lady Une  
Emperor = Relena  
Match Maker = Sally  
Chi Fu = Dorothy  
Others = Misc. Characters (some play more than one person)

*~~~

~Scene opens showing a badly painted back drop and a fake looking Great Wall stretching out into the distance~  


Trowa (guard): **walking along the top of the Great Wall on duty**  
Evil Bird: **swoops just above Trowa's head, knocking his helmet off**  
Trowa: What the?! **holds the back of his head and looks up**  
Evil Bird: **lands on the end of a flag pole and turns his head, screeching loudly**  
Trowa: **looks in that direction to see a grappling hook fly over and attach to the wall** Who would be up here at this hour? **he mumbles and walks over to the edge of the wall only to be greeted by hundreds more grappling hooks. Trowa backs away and starts running towards the tower** Light the signals! **when he reaches the door of the tower it opens revealing Catherine, holding her knives**  
Cathy: Hello Trowa **she raises one of the knives**  
Trowa: //.O`` **he jumps on the ladder next to the door and starts climbing up**  
Cathy: Come back Trowa! I made soup! **she breaks the ladder in half with her knife**  
Trowa: No! not the soup! //.O`` **grabs the edge of the roof and pulls himself over, grabs a torch and steps over to the brazier, only to see a dark figure climb over the opposite side, he stops. Trowa look at the figure for a second then turns and throws the torch into the brazier, setting a bright fire**  
~The other towers start lighting up in order down the length of the wall~  
Trowa: Now all of China knows you're here.  
Une: **breaks the flag next to her and sets it ablaze** Perfect **smirks**  
  
~New scene of a cheap looking Imperial Throne Room~

Zechs: **walks up to the thrown followed closely by 2 guards. He reaches the thrown and kneels** Emperor Relena the Huns have crossed our northern border.  
Dorothy: Impossible Relena! No one can get through the Great Wall!  
Relena: **holds up her hand to shush Dorothy**  
Dorothy: **shuts up**  
Zechs: Lady Une is leading them now. We'll put guards around your palace immediately.  
Relena: No! Send your troops to protect the people and keep PEACE. Dorothy?  
Dorothy: Yes great Empress? erm.. Emperor? **nervous laughter**  
Jay: **slaps her forehead and mumbles** I though that she looked enough like a man that she could play one without any confusion...  
Relena: Uhm... right... well... send out notices to every village that we need to recruit more men!  
Zechs: Forgive me Emperor but I believe that my men can stop him.  
Relena: No! I won't take any chances... a single grain of rice can tip the scale, and one man may be the difference between victory and defeat,  
Jay: Sugoi! That was great guys... except that one mess up... NEXT SCENE!  
  
~End of part 1~

  
  
  



	2. Part 2

Wulan Part 2 I still don

Wulan Part 2  
  
I still don't own GW or Disney's Mulan.  
  
I forgot to mention that "Jay" is me, the director ^_^

Ready for the next scene? Ok. I will now shut up. Here it is!

Jay: Ok guys, let's get this moving.  
WuFei: I'm NOT doing this!  
Jay: **sighs** How many times do I have to--  
WuFei: This is not right! I AM a man! Why do I have to play a woman pretending she is a man?!  
Jay: **snorts a little** well... you do look the part... heh  
WuFei: **growls** I'll show you who--  
Milliardo: Just shut up WuFei... I have to play your father **sighs**  
WuFei: **glares** was that an insult?!  
Milliardo: not at all **grins as he puts WuFei on the bed for his scene and walks off**  
WuFei: **grumbles**  
Jay: Alright WuLAN... Action! 

~Scene opens with you seeing a bowl filled with rice then a pair of chopsticks coming down and picking up some of the rice. The shot opens up revealing Wulan~  
WuFei: **shoves the rice into his mouth and then puts down the chopsticks, and pulls a small paint brush out then starts writing in Chinese on his arm** quiet...graceful...polite...**groans**delicate...refined... and punctual.  
~Outside on the fence a rooster crows~  
WuFei: **picks up his shoe and tosses it out his window at the rooster**  
Rooster: **makes an odd noise then falls off the fence**  
WuFei: **smiles to himself then realizes something** oh! I'm late! **sighs that he actually did his lines right then gets and starts kinda jogging down the hall blowing on his arm to dry the ink** Little Brother! Little Bro-- **trips over the small dog and crashes to the floor** .....grrr..... **gets up kicks the dog lightly** Get up!  
Lil' Bro: **stands up hyper and ready to go, panting and barking**  
WuFei: **ties a bag of feed to the dog's tail and tucks a bamboo pole under his collar. He then attaches a string to the end of the bamboo with a bone hanging from it**  
Lil' Bro: bark bark!   
WuFei: **opens the door and points** go!  
Lil' Bro: **takes off towards the door but smashes into the frame**  
WuFei: -_-`` **looks at the dog**  
Lil' Bro: **backs up then runs out the door spreading the feed around the yard**  
~Scene changes to an old shrine with some big tomb stone looking things inside~  
Milliardo: **lights a stick of incense then kneels to pray** Honorable ancestors, please help Wulan to impress the matchmaker today.  
Lil Bro: **runs into the shrine and around Milliardo spreading the feed then runs out**  
Chickens: **flock into the shrine and start eating**  
Milliardo: **eyebrow twitches**  
~scene changes to outside of the shrine, camera watching the door of it~  
Milliardo: **tossing chickens out one by one** PLEASE! **toss** PLEASE! **toss** HELP HER! **toss**  
WuFei: **walking up to the shrine dodging flying chickens** since when do they fly?? **stands up from ducking to be face to face with Milliardo** Ah! **drops the tray and everything goes flying** O.o``  
Milliardo: **catches the tea pot with his cane** Wulan...?  
WuFei: I brought a spare **pulls out another cup**   
Milliardo: Wulan?  
WuFei: **pours him a cup** here you go... **hands the cup to him**  
Milliardo: Wulan?!  
WuFei: What!?  
Milliardo: You should already be in town.  
WuFei: **nods** but I want you to try your poison... uhm... I mean tea.. I made it just for you... **innocent grin**  
Jay: **looks over the script and up at them** -_-..... **whispers to Milliardo** don't drink it.  
Milliardo: **nods then looks at WuFei** just go on to town now, Wulan.  
WuFei: **sighs** alright... **starts walking off** wish me luck...  
Milliardo: uh huh... **tosses the tea cup then enters the shrine** I'm going to pray some more...  
Jay: and... CUT! **grins** This isn't turning out half as bad as I thought... The next scene should be done by tomorrow... until then... Thank you for reading! Please Review!  
  
Oh... I drew a picture of the movie box... my version heh... [Here][1]   
  


   [1]: http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/duowufei/wulan.JPG



	3. Part 3

Wulan Part 3 I still haven

Wulan Part 3  
  
I still haven't gotten around to owning GW or Mulan. 

oh and things between: ... are being thought.  
  
~Scene of a busy market road~  
Lucrezia: **standing near a door looking worried**  
Trowa (woman#1): **opens the curtain and looks at Lucrezia** Fa Li, hasn't your daughter arrived here yet? The matchmaker is not a patient woman. **goes back inside**  
Lucrezia: Of all days to be late... **sigh** I should've prayed to the ancestors for luck.  
Howard: **snickers** Even praying couldn't help hi-- her   
Lucrezia: **grins and nudges him** shh... say your lines.  
Jay: **smirks** keep going... never mind it **giggles a little**  
Howard: ...Besides I've got all the luck we'll need. **holds up a small wooden cage holding Hilde** Now's your chance to prove yourself.  
Hilde: **holds herself up proudly**  
Howard: **covers his eyes and steps out into the busy road holding the cage**  
Lucrezia: Grandma! NO!  
~people crash into each other trying to avoid Howard and a big smoke cloud covers the scene~  
Howard: **comes out of the cloud and uncovers his eyes then smiles and turns around towards Lucrezia on the opposite side of the road. He holds up the cage** Yep! This cricket's a lucky one!  
Hilde: **knees wobble then she falls backwards fainting**  
Lucrezia: **sighs**....**she hears a horse coming and looks up**  
WuFei: **rides up next to her and jumps off the horse** I'm here!  
Lucrezia: **glares**  
WuFei: What Onna?!  
Lucrezia: **grumbles at that then takes his arm and drags him into the building**  
Trowa: **singing** This is what you give me to work with? **starts ripping WuFei's clothes off** Well honey, I've seen worse! We're going to turn this sow's ear **tosses WuFei into the bath tub** into a silk purse!  
WuFei: **holds his ears** YOU HENTAI!  
Trowa: **singing still** We'll have you washed and dried. **washing WuFei's hair** Primped and polished till you glow with pride. **dumps some stuff into his hair** Just my recipe for instant bride. You'll bring honor to us all!  
Lucrezia: **shakes her head then looks at WuFei's arm** Wulan, what's this? **points at the writing**  
WuFei: **jerks his arm away** None of your damn business woman!  
Lucrezia: **sighs at WuFei and his lines**  
Jay: **shrugs** oh well... he's fine... I didn't even expect him to wear the dresses... **sigh**  
Howard: Hold this **hands Hilde's cage to Lucrezia** We'll need more luck than I thought.  
~scene fades out and a new one appears with a close up of Wulan~  
WuFei: **having his hair being pulled in all different directions** -_-``  
Quatre: (woman#2): **singing** wait and see, when we're through...  
Duo (woman #3): **singing** boys will gladly go to war for you. **tries to hold back laughter**  
WuFei: **glares**  
Quatre: **singing through his giggles** with good fortune...  
Duo: **braids WuFei's hair and sings** and a GREAT hairdo.  
Both: **sing** you'll bring honor to us all!  
WuFei: **grumbles**  
Lucrezia: **leads WuFei out of the building and down the street singing** Girls can bring their family great honor in one way...  
Duo (chubby man playing checkers): **looking a bit frustrated at the board**  
Trowa (skinny balding man playing checkers): **moves his piece and leans back proudly**  
WuFei: **looks at the board then moves one of Duo's pieces for a win then looks at them both** offense is the best de--   
Lucrezia: **pulls him away still singing** By striking a good match and this could be the day!  
Jay: Does anyone remember that episode?  
WuFei: **standing on a little stool in the middle of the room glaring at who is dressing him**  
Zechs (woman #4): **singing** Men want girls with good taste!  
Heero (woman #5): **singing in horrible monotone** calm **tightens measuring tape around WuFei's neck**  
WuFei: **gags and rips it off his neck** they're trying to kill me now!  
Lucrezia: **places her hand on his shoulder singing** obedient  
Heero: **monotone singing** who work fast paced... **slides around WuFei on a cart thing**  
Lucrezia: **singing** with good breeding  
Heero: **monotone singing still** and a tiny waist  
Both: **tighten the belt around WuFei**  
WuFei: **eyes bug out for a second then he looks down at them glaring** I hate you...  
Both: **singing** You'll bring honor to us all!  
Townspeople: **singing in the background** We all must serve our emperor who guards us from the huns **continue to sing the rest as a small scene unfolds**  
Boy: **steals a doll from the little girl**  
Girl: **tries to grab it back**  
Boy: **starts running off but is greeted by WuFei's fist in his face**  
WuFei: **takes the doll from the confused boy and tosses it to the girl**  
Girl: **grins and hugs the doll**  
WuFei: **rolls his eyes** women...  
~scene changed to a close-up of Wulan's lips being painted red with a small brush~  
Dorothy (woman #6): **singing** when we're through you'll not fail. **puts some kind of mascara on WuFei's eye lashes** Like a lotus blossom soft and pale. **picks up a mirror and shows WuFei his reflection** like a lotus blossom soft and pale. You'll bring honor to us all.  
WuFei: **eyes go wide at his reflection then go back to his normal "I'm going to kill you all when this is over!" look**  
Lucrezia: **opens a small cloth containing that pretty hair piece**  
Jay: I don't know what kind of flower it is... a lotus?  
Lucrezia: **shrugs at Jay then puts the hair piece in WuFei's hair** there you're ready...  
WuFei: Thank God.  
Howard: **enters the room** Not yet!   
WuFei: **groans**  
Howard: An apple for serenity. **shoves the apple in WuFei's mouth** A pendant for balance **slips the pendant into the belt of WuFei's dress** **starts singing a little** Beads of jade for beauty! **puts a jade necklace on WuFei** You must proudly show it! Now add a cricket **slips the cricket into one of the dress folds** just for luck... and even you can't blow it!  
~new scene of Wulan walking out of the building~  
Jay: SING WUFEI!  
WuFei: NEVER ONNA!  
Jay: **sighs** please WuFei?  
WuFei: NO!  
Jay: Ok Quatre, get your pink spray paint... Altron is over there...  
WuFei: O.O``` NOOOO! NATAKU!  
Jay: Then... what will you do for me?  
WuFei: **sighs** sing...  
Jay: **smiles** thank you...  
WuFei: **in a high pitched girly singing voice (he IS playing woman)** Ancestors here my plea. Help me not to make a fool of me. And to not uproot my family tree. Keep my father standing tall!  
Lucrezia: **jogs up and hands WuFei a purple, paper umbrella**  
WuFei: **takes it and runs up behind the other girls singing** Scarier than the undertaker! We are meeting our matchmaker!  
Townspeople: **singing in background** Destiny! guard our girls and our future as it fast unfurls. Please look kindly on these cultured pearls, each a more perfect porcelain doll!  
Heero (girl #1): **singing** Please bring honor to us!  
Duo (girl #2): **singing** Please bring honor to us!  
Trowa (girl #3): **singing** Please bring honor to us!  
Quatre (girl #4): **singing** Please bring honor to us!  
WuFei: **looks oddly at them**  
Townspeople: **singing** Please! Bring honor to us all!  
Heero, Duo, Trowa, & Quatre: **get in their places and kneel with their umbrellas opened in front of them**  
WuFei: **follows their lead and does the same**   
Sally: **flings the doors open and looks at the girls** Fa Wulan  
WuFei: I'm here woman.  
Sally: Speaking without permission... **marks something down**  
WuFei: **growls** like I need YOUR permission to do anything....  
Sally: **mumbles**  
WuFei: **walks inside the building**  
Sally: **follows him inside and slams the doors closed**  
WuFei: **stands waiting to be judged**  
Sally: **goes over to him and looks him over** hmf... too skinny. Not good for bearing sons.  
Hilde: **escapes her cage and jumps onto Sally's shoulder**  
WuFei: o.O`` **grabs Hilde but she jumps out of his grasp over and over until he finally grabs her and shoves her in his mouth quickly as Sally looks at him**  
Sally: Recite the final Admonition.  
WuFei: **nods and pulls out a fan and opens it in front of his face. He turns his head and spits out Hilde** Fulfill your duties calmly and re-- **looks at his arm** respectively. Reflect before you snack-- **looks at his arm quickly** ACT! This shall bring you honor and glory! **sighs in relief**  
Sally: **grabs his arm and looks at the fan then shrugs and pulls him to the table** this way... **lets him go, getting ink all over her hand** now... **pulls out a tea pot and sets it on the table** pour the tea. To please you future in-laws you must demonstrate a sense of dignity and refinement. **moves her fingers on her face to where she gives herself a nice ink goatee**  
WuFei: **stares at her pouring the tea on the table then notices and pours it in the cup**  
Hilde: **in the tea cup acting like its a hot tub**  
Sally: You must also be poised. **takes the cup with Hilde in it**  
WuFei: Could I just--  
Sally: AND silent!  
WuFei: O.O`` -_- fine... drink the cricket, onna!  
Sally: **smells the tea** mmm....  
WuFei: **climbs up on the table and grabs the tea cup** Could I just take this back...?  
Sally: **fighting against him pulling the cup**  
WuFei: **loses his grip, sending Sally flying backwards**  
Sally: **on the ground with tea all over her**  
Hilde: **hops around and down into her dress**  
Sally: Why you clumsy-- **feels the cricket in her dress** huh? what the?! **falls back onto hot coals burning a hole in her dress then starts yelping and hoping**   
WuFei: **tries to put it out by waving his fan at the embers in her dress, flames shoot up** O.O```  
Sally: AAAHHH!!! ::falls down but gets back up screaming::  
~scene: outside the building~  
Lucrezia: **hearing the noises, worried look on her face**  
Howard: **smiling** I think it's going quite well. Don't you?  
Sally: **runs outside with the butt area of her dress on fire screaming** PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!! PUT IT--   
WuFei: **tosses the pot full of tea on her and the flames die down but Sally looks horrid. He hands her the pot and quickly walks over to Lucrezia & Howard**  
Hilde: **hops back up into her cage as WuFei walks off**  
Sally: -_- **hurriedly follows WuFei and yells angrily** YOU ARE A DISGRACE! You may look like a bride! But you will NEVER bring your family honor! **turns and starts walking back into the building**  
Howard & Lucrezia: **hold WuFei back from going after Sally**  
WuFei: Lemme go!!  
Howard & Lucrezia: **sigh** this is going to be a looooooong fic.....   
Jay: heh.... ok ok.... that's enough.... we'll quit here for now to save WuFei from having to sing again. Tune in for the next installment, readers!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Part 4

First off

First off: I'm SO sorry about how late this chapter is! Gomennasai ^_^``

Oh yeah! I still don't own Mulan or GW ^_^

*~~~  
Jay: **grins in her director chair as WuFei approaches**  
WuFei: Please don't make me sing again! Please?!  
Jay: I'm so sorry baby, but it's in the script **points at the song**  
WuFei: **sighs** and if I refuse?  
Jay: well... **leans over onto the table in front of her and pulls a small cloth off an Altron Custom model, completely painted in bright pink, with glitter**  
WuFei: O.o``` **in high pitched frightened voice** I'll sing...  
Jay: **smirks** I knew you would! **kisses his cheek**  
WuFei: **walks onto the set wiping off the kiss** kuso! onna! I hate you...  
Jay: And.... ACTION!  
*~~~  
~Scene opens with Wulan opening the gate door to her home and walking in, her horse, Khan, right behind her~  
Milliardo: **smiles over at WuFei**  
WuFei: **turns his face away in shame and takes the horse to his stall**  
Milliardo: **looks confused as Lucrezia walks up**  
Lucrezia: **shakes her head and whispers** can we kill him...?   
Milliardo: **holds back a smile and looks down** not until this is over...  
Lucrezia: **whispers** damn...  
WuFei: **walks over to a bush and releases Hilde from her cage onto a leaf, holding back the urge to stomp her and sings** Look at me... I will never pass for a perfect bride... or the perfect daughter....**stops singing** because I'm a MAN!  
Jay: **clears her throat and points at the pink glittery gundam model**  
WuFei: **sighs**  
Hilde: **smirks**  
WuFei: **glares at Hilde**  
Hilde: **hops away quickly**  
WuFei: **sings** can it be? I'm not meant to play this part? duh.... Now I see **jumps up on the side of a small bridge:: that if I wer-- **loses his balance and falls into the water**  
Jay: **sigh** get him cleaned up.... we'll start again in the same spot.... **snickers a little**  
~after about an hour and a half WuFei is on the bridge again~  
Jay: It took 30 minutes to clean him up... and an hour to get him out here again to sing.... heh  
WuFei: **hops on the edge again, more carefully** that if I were truly to be myself... **hops down** I would break my family's heart. not that I care! **walks along the water's edge and leans against a statue** Who is that girl I see? Staring straight, back at me. Why is my reflection someone I don't know? **starts walking up the steps** I hate this... hate this... HATE THIS!! Somehow I cannot hide **walks into the shrine** who I am **kneels** though I try... **bows and then looks up at his reflection in the stone thing** When will my reflection show... who I am... insiiiiiiiide **wipes off his makeup mumbling** damn high notes.... **clears throat** when will my reflection show... who I am... inside? **takes down his hair and stands up. then walks out of the shrine and sits under a cherry blossom tree on a bench** I'm going to shoot myself when this is over....no wait... shoot director... **smirks evilly**  
Milliardo: **walks over and sits next to him**  
WuFei: **looks away**  
Milliardo: My my... what beautiful blossoms we have this year. **looks around then up at one that hasn't bloomed** but look... this one's late.  
WuFei: **looks up at the blossom**  
Milliardo: but I bet that when it blooms... **takes the hair piece and puts it in WuFei's hair** it will be the most beautiful of all...   
WuFei: **smiles fakely and shudders:: it touched me....  
Milliardo: **smiles back**  
~drums are heard in the distance~  
Milliardo: **smile fades and he stands**  
WuFei: What now?  
~scene changes to Chi Fu riding up on a horse with two men riding on horses behind him holding flags~  
Dorothy: **stops on her horse in the town, in front of Milliardo's farm**  
WuFei, Lucrezia, & Milliardo: **looking out through the opened gate**  
Milliardo: **walks out**  
Lucrezia: **turns to WuFei** stay inside.  
WuFei: I don't take orders from you! Woman!  
Howard: **grabs him** hey... do this right... **points over to a small fence he can stand on to see over**  
WuFei: **sighs and walks over to the fence, climbs up onto it and watches**  
Dorothy: I bring a proclamation from the Imperial City. The Huns have invaded China!  
Everyone: **gasps**  
WuFei: **rolls his eyes**  
Dorothy: By order of the Emperor, one man from every family must serve in the Imperial army. **pulls out a scroll and opens it** The Shao family! The Yi family!  
Old man Yi: **starts to take the scroll**  
Son of Yi: **stops his father and takes the scroll** I will take my father's place.  
Dorothy: The Fa family!  
WuFei: **watching**  
Jay: WUFEI!  
WuFei: hn? oh. NO! **looks over at Milliardo**  
Milliardo: **hands his cane to Lucrezia and walks limping out to receive the scroll. He bows when he reaches the soldier** I am ready to serve the Emperor. **holds out his hand to take the scroll**  
WuFei: **runs out** Father! You can't go! **stands in front of Milliardo and the soldier handing out the scrolls. He then looks up at the soldier** Please sir, my father has already fou--  
Dorothy: **rides up in front of WuFei** Silence!  
WuFei: **glares**  
Dorothy: You will do well to teach your daughter to hold her tongue in the presence of a man!  
WuFei: Why you little--  
Jay: Knock it off WuFei!  
WuFei: **sighs and stays silent** stupid weaklings... think they can boss ME around...  
Milliardo: Wulan, you dishonor me. **looks away**  
WuFei: **stares** oh...dang **sarcastically**   
Howard: **moves WuFei out of the way**  
WuFei: **grumbles**  
Dorothy: Report tomorrow at the Woo (Moo? I can't make it out) Shang (Shun?? ::sighs:: ) camp! **hands Milliardo the scroll**  
Milliardo: **Takes it** Yes sir! **turns and starts walking back to the gate**  
Dorothy: The Cho family!  
Lucrezia: **holds out Milliardo's cane**  
Milliardo: **walks past her and through the gate without it**  
Lucrezia, Howard, & WuFei: **stop together and watch as Milliardo limps towards the house**  
Dorothy: The Chang family!  
WuFei: Huh?! **turns**  
Jay: **smacks forehead** Not YOU!  
WuFei: ... kisama onna...  
~scene changes to Milliardo's hands opening a cabinet the holds his suit of armor~  
WuFei: **watching and hiding with a small candle**  
Milliardo: **pulls out his sword and does the Marine commercial thing with it then starts moving around doing some techniques until he gets a sharp pain in his shoulder and drops the sword and falls. He gets back up and leans against a column breathing heavily. He looks at the scroll in pain** (My Cousin is a Marine ^_^ Love ya Mike!)  
WuFei: **leans against the wall looking worried:: he's going to die.... **kinda smirks then sighs**  
~scene changes again to tea being poured at dinner~  
WuFei: **pouring tea**  
Milliardo: **takes his cup and sips the tea then sets it back down**  
WuFei: **hesitates then pours his and sets down the pot. Looks at Howard**  
Howard: **sips his tea** stupid thing is looking at me again... but it's in the script...  
WuFei: **looks at Lucrezia and Milliardo**  
Milliardo: **eating something**  
Lucrezia: **drinking tea**  
WuFei: **slams down his tea cup on the table and stands** You shouldn't have to go!  
Lucrezia: **mouth drops open that he did his lines** Wulan?!  
WuFei: There are plenty of young men to fight for China! like me...  
Milliardo: It is an honor to protect my country and my family.  
WuFei: so... you will die for honor!  
Milliardo: **stands** I will die doing what's right.  
WuFei: But if you--!  
Milliardo: **cuts off Wu's sentence and gets in his face** I know my place! It is time you learn yours!  
WuFei: **eyebrows slant in anger**  
Jay: **glares at him** do it right....  
WuFei: **turns and walks off. Comes back and tosses the tea pot on Milliardo then runs off again**  
Milliardo: _```   
Jay: **rubs her temples**  
Milliardo: **sits back down**  
WuFei: **runs outside and grabs onto a column** stupid weakling! **pretends to sob**  
~scene changes once again to the stone dragon statue and Wulan sitting inside it as it storms~  
WuFei: **looks over at his parents' window**  
Milliardo: **puts his hand under Lucrezia's chin and lifts her head a little**  
WuFei: **looks away for a minute then back**  
Lucrezia: **hops on Milliardo as he blows out the candle**  
WuFei: O.O````` .... and they tell ME to do my lines right!  
Jay: uh oh....  
WuFei: **gets up as dramatic music plays and walks into the dimly lit shrine. He lights a stick of incense, kneels to pray, then gets up and hurries out**  
Hilde: **hops off the top of the stone and follows him**  
WuFei: **walks into his parents' room and replaces the scroll with the hairpiece and walks out taking the scroll with him. He then takes Milliardo's sword and gets ready to cut his hair then looks at his hair in the reflection off the sword** short enough.... **ties his hair up as usual in that tight pony tail then goes and opens the cabinet with Milliardo's armor. He puts it on then goes to get Khan**  
Khan: **sees the new more manly WuFei and rears up**  
WuFei: **walks over and pets the horse whispering to him. He leads khan out of the barn, takes one last look at his house then mounts the horse and rides off**  
~next scene is the big stone thing's dragon eyes glowing. It then cuts to Grandmother sitting up wide eyed in bed~  
Howard: **hurries into Lucrezia and Milliardo's bed room** Wulan is gone!  
Milliardo: **sits up** REALLY?! I mean... uhm... wha?!  
Lucrezia: **holds back a giggle and looks worried**  
Milliardo: **picks up the hairpiece on his night stand** It can't be... **gets up and goes to the room where his armor was kept and looks in the empty cabinet. He then runs outside limping then falls over into the mud** WULAN!! **he looks up and sees the gate doors blowing open and shut in the wind** no..  
Lucrezia: **runs over to him and kneels** You must go after her! She could be killed!  
Milliardo: the loss? If I reveal her... she will be... **takes Lucrezia's hand**  
Lucrezia: **gasps**  
Milliardo: **holds her to his chest**  
Howard: **watches from a short distance** Ancestors... hear our prayer... watch over Wulan...  
~scene changes to the inside of the shrine, a gust of wind blows out the tiny light inside. The writing on the biggest stone glows eerily and a blue mist flows out of it, forming a figure sitting atop it~  
Doctor J: **looks up at the dragon incense burner** Mushu... awaken.  
Incense Burner: **glows and smokes then Mushu appears and falls down with the dish shaped bottom of the burner, making a smoke trail**  
Mushu: **stands up all stiff like Frankenstein** I LIIIIIVE! **looks around hyperly** So.. tell me what mortal needs my protection oh great ancestor! Just say the word and I'm there!  
Dr. J: Mushu...  
Mushu: **holds up his hand to hush Dr. J** and lemme just say somethin! Anyone foolish enough to threaten OUR family... VENGEANCE WILL BE MINE! **growling and trying to act all evil and mighty**  
Dr. J: MUSHU!! **points with his cane at the stone gargoyle type things above him** These are the family guardians. They?  
Mushu: ... uhhmmm.... **scratches his head**   
Dr. J: DUO!  
Mushu: **laughs** Protect the family...  
Dr. J: ...and you.... oh demoted one... **points at the spot where Mushu used to stand**  
Mushu: I... bring the party?  
Dr. J: **sighs**  
Mushu: **smirks** I ring the gong...  
Dr. J: That's right... Now... wake up the ancestors...  
Mushu: **sighs** one family reunion coming right up... **picks up the dish like thing that he stood on and picks up a tiny mallet and starts banging the dish like a gong** Ok People! Look alive! Wake Up! Rise and Shine! Your WAY Past the beauty thing... Trust me!  
~The stones all glow and the blue mist flows from them forming people too~  
Catherine (Ancestor #1): I knew it! That Wulan was a trouble maker!  
Everyone: **have a "DUH" look on their faces**  
Trowa (Ancestor #2): Don't look at me! She gets it from your side of the family!  
Catherine: **stares at him strangely** uh...  
Mariemaia (Ancestor #3): She's just trying to help her father.  
Prof. G (Ancestor #4): But if she's discovered Fa Zu would be forever shamed, dishonor would come to the family, traditional values would disintegrate!  
Treize (ancestor #5): Not to mention they'll lose the farm...  
Cathy: My children never caused such trouble! They all become acupuncturists!  
Trowa: Well we can't all be acupuncturists!  
Doktor S (Ancestor #6): No! Your great grand daughter had to be a cross dresser!  
Trowa: O.O`` when did I get a great grand daughter....?  
~Everyone starts fighting after that~  
Master O (ancestor #7): **floats over the fighting towards the guardian statues** Let a guardian bring her back!  
Trowa: Yes! **grabs Duo and holds him up to a lion cat type statue** awaken the most cunning!  
Prof. G: **grabs Duo from Trowa and holds him up to the bunny statue** No! The swiftest!  
Instructor H (Ancestor #9): **takes Duo from G and holds him to the monkey statue** No! Send the wisest!  
Dr. J: SILENCE!  
H: **drops Duo and looks at Dr. J**  
Dr. J: We must send the most powerful of all.  
Duo: **laughs and climbs up to where he used to stand as a guardian** Ok ok, I get the idea. I'll go.   
Everyone: **laughs**  
Duo: What? You don't think I can do it?! Watch this here! **breaths a little fire** Jump back! I'm pretty hot huh? Don't make me hafta singe nobody to prove no point!  
Dr. J: You had your chance to protect the Fa family.  
S: Your misguidance led Fa Deng to disaster!  
Fa Deng: **holding his own decapitated head in his lap** Yeah, thanks a lot...  
Duo: **snorts** and your point is?  
Dr. J: My point is! We'll be sending a REAL dragon to fetch Wulan!  
Duo: WHAT?! I AM A REAL DRAGON! **grabs J's beard** sorta... heh  
Dr. J: You are not worthy of this spot retard! **pulls Duo off the little shelf type thing** Now! Awaken the Great Stone Dragon! **throws Duo out the door**  
Duo: **sticks his head back in the shrine** So you'll get back to me on the job thing?  
Dr. J: **throws the little dish gong and it hits Duo in the face**  
Duo: **looks a bit screwed up and falls backwards** he wasn't supposed to throw it THAT hard...  
Dr. J: **rubs his temples** I hate him SO much!  
Duo: **walking down the steps to the Stone Dragon** Just one more chance.... is that too much to ask? I mean.... It's not like it'll kill ya.... old man.... no wait that wasn't right.... REALLY old man....**walks up next to the statue and bangs the gong** Yo Rocky! Wake up! Ya gotta go fetch Wulan!  
Statue: **no response**  
Duo: **sighs & walks to the other side, throws down his gong** c'mon boy! **makes noises and pats his knees, then tosses the mallet** Go get it! Fetch the stick! **sighs when he again gets nothing from the statue** ... **climbs up to the statue's face with the gong then stands on it** Grrrr! GRR! **trying to look like the statue. After that he climbs up onto its head and walks over to the dragon's ear and starts yelling into it** HELLO?! HELLO?! **bangs the gong repeatedly onto the Dragon's ear while yelling**  
Statue: **ear breaks off**  
Duo: **grabs it and tries to hold it back on** O.o``` Uh oh....  
Statue: **collapses under Duo**  
Duo: This isn't going to feel good....  
~a poof of smoke covers the scene and eventually thins out~  
Duo: **looking at the shattered statue's head** uh... stoney... Stoney?? Aw man... the old guy is gonna kill me! **looks worried**  
Dr. J: **looks out of the shrine window** Great Stone Dragon? Have you awakened?  
Duo: **picks up the dragon's head and holds it in front of his** Uhm.. Yes! I have just woke up... and I am the great stone dragon! Good Morning! I will go forth and fetch Wulan! Uhm... did I mention that I was the great stone dragon?  
Dr. J: Go! The fate of the Fa family rests in your claws...  
Duo: Don't even worry about it! I will not lose faith! aAAaaAAahhHHhH **falls down the hill back to the pile of rubble, the dragon head squishing him** Ow! uh... I know I twisted something.... ow.... **stands and tosses the head off him** That's just great! Now what am I gonna do? And all because Miss Man had to take her little drag show on the road!  
WuFei: **glares from off stage**  
Duo: **waves at Wu**   
Hilde: **hops up to Duo and talks in Cricket language**  
Duo: Huh?  
Hilde: **repeats**  
Duo: **looks confused**  
Jay: Did you read her lines on the script?  
Duo: Was I supposed to...?  
Jay: They were highlighted....  
Duo: Oh... that's what that was! **laughs**  
Jay: **sighs**  
~Take a short break for Duo to memorize what Hilde is saying~  
Jay: Action....  
Duo: Go get her?! What's the matter with you?! After this great stone humpty dumpty... I'd have to bring her home with a medal and get back in the temple... **finally hits him** That's It! I make Wulan a war hero and they'll be begging me to come back to work! OH... you've done it now! **runs off**  
Hilde: **follows him, chirping**  
Duo: And what makes you think you're coming?  
Hilde: **chirps**  
Duo: **outside the gate but pokes his head back in** You're lucky? **laughs** Do I look like a sucker to you?  
Hilde: **hops out the gate and chirps again**  
Duo: What?! What do you mean a loser?! How bout I pop one of your antennae off and throw it across the yard? Then who's the loser me or you?!  
Hilde: **chirps something again**  
Both: **run off after WuFei**   
Jay: END OF CHAPTER!  
  
YAY! I finally got it! Oh yeah... uhm sorry about not changing much of Duo/Mushu's dialogue. I really like what Mushu says anyway... lol.


	5. Part 5

Hi again everyone

Hi again everyone! Chapter 5! **cough** finally... ^_^```

**pulls empty pockets inside out**.... **a moth flutters out** nope... I don't Mulan or GW... I'd have money if I did ^_~

~scene of a mountain side burning~  
Evil Bird (it's a Falcon but I like Evil Bird): **soaring over the fires and over the Hun army**  
Huns: **riding their horses away from the destruction they created**  
Une: **stops her horse and gives the signal for the others to halt**  
Huns: **trample on past her, horses out of control**  
Une: **smacks forehead**  
Jay: **sweat drops** ... Horse Trainer!?  
Lea (Horse Trainer): **walks in** I'll fix it... give me a bit though.  
Jay: **nods** as long as you can get them to stop and go for the actors...  
Lea: **smiles** don't worry.  
~~After the LONG vacation I took from the fic ^_^```~~  
Lea: That wasn't MY fault... _``  
Jay: Sorry to the readers that it's been so long!!  
Lea: That's better... anyway... the horses are trained and ready.  
Jay: cool. Thanks. ACTION!  
~Same scene as the first plays~  
Une: **gives the halt signal**  
Horses: **stop**  
Une: Thank God... **turns and looks at some of her soldiers and gives them another signal, this one meaning to go check out some stuff nearby**  
Catherine: **hops of her horse and goes off screen with her knives**  
Dorothy: **jumps down too and follows Catherine**  
Relena: **gets off her horse and follows the others, armed with her looks**  
Jay: Sorry... did I mention... there'll be a bit of Relena bashing in the fic?  
Relena: **mumbles off screen**  
Duo & Trowa: **thrown into view of the camera dressed as Imperial soldiers**  
Duo: OW! jeez....   
Trowa: ...yeah... **shaking cause he's in another scene with Cathy**  
Relena: Imperial scouts.  
Duo & Trowa: **turn and look at her then turn back and look at Une**  
Une: **dismounts and walks slowly, dramatically, towards them**  
Duo: **whispers** I think this might hurt...  
Trowa: **nods**  
Une: **pulls down the hood of her fake furry animal shirt**  
Trowa: Shan Yu...  
Duo: duh...  
Une: **holds out her arm**  
Evil Bird: **lands on her arm**  
Une: O.O``` OW!! The claws!! The claws!! **shakes her arm violently**  
Duo & Trowa: **laugh**  
Jay: **chuckles a little** ok... stop filming for a minute... get her one of those bird handler glove things...  
~~After getting the glove and clipping the Falcon's claws -_-```~~  
Jay: Action!  
Une: **holds out her arm**  
Evil Bird: **lands on her wrist and climbs up to her shoulder screeching**  
Une: **kneels down in front of the soldiers** Nice work gentlemen... You found the Hun army. **smirks and looks at the millions of Huns**  
Duo: Thanks...  
Une: **acts like she's gonna slap him**  
Duo: I'll be good...  
Une: **smiles**  
Trowa: The emperor will stop you!  
Une: **looks fakely scared** stop me? He invited me. **picks up Trowa and holds him out by his throat**  
Jay: we all know that this probably isn't possible for Lady Une... but oh well ^_^  
Une: By building his wall... he challenged my strength.  
Trowa: **gag cough**  
Une: Well, I'm here to play his game... **pulls out her sword**  
Trowa: O.O sharp things!!! **gag gag gag cough**  
Une: **drops him to the ground** GO! **points at Duo with her sword** Tell your Emperor to send his strongest armies! I'm ready...   
Duo: **takes off running**  
Trowa: **gets up and follows Duo**  
Une: **watches them go** How many men does it take to deliver a message?  
Dorothy: **grins** One... ::shoots an arrow as the screen goes black**  
Trowa: OW!!! **screams various profanities while the black screen is on** Weren't they SUPPOSED to be rubber?!  
Jay: Key words... supposed to be  
Trowa: **grumble**  
Jay: Next scene!  
~Black screen fades to next scene where Wulan & Kahn are in a forest near the camp~  
Kahn: **chewing on a weed**  
WuFei: Ok ok... how about this... **clears his throat and in stupid sounding deep voice** Excuse me, where do I sign in? Aha... I see you have a sword. I have one too **taps it with his palm** They're very manly and tough... **pulls it out acting like he can't handle it and drops it** ... This is so degrading.... I KNOW how to hold a sword!!  
Jay: **sighs** WuFei... YOU do... WULAN doesn't...so .. uhm... shuddap!  
WuFei: **grumbles** tell me to shut up.. I'll **mumble mumble** so back to the STUPID movie then huh...   
Kahn: **laughs**  
WuFei: **throws his shoe at him** I'm working on it! **walks over to where the shoe landed and puts it on. Walks over to some bamboo shoots and moves them a little** Who am I kidding... it's going to take a miracle to get me into the army.  
~Fire from behind shoots up a little~  
Duo: Did I hear someone ask for a miracle?!  
WuFei: **turns and looks at the shadow of mushu**  
Duo: Lemme hear ya say "AAaHHh!"  
WuFei: **in a monotone voice** aahh... **quickly hides behind a boulder**  
Duo: That's close enough! But... WuFei... put some effort in.. I mean come on.. you sound WEAK...  
WuFei: **eyes go wide then slant** You will die Maxwell...  
Duo: Someday... yeah...  
WuFei: No no... today...**stands and pulls out sword**  
Duo: O.O  
Hilde: O.O  
Jay: Damn you two! Cut it out!!  
WuFei: **sighs and puts his sword away and sits back down into place**  
Duo: **smiles** sorry... **clears his throat** Get ready Wulan, your seventeenth salvation is at hand. For I have been sent by your ancestors...   
Hilde: **casting a shadow puppet of Mushu next to him**  
Duo: **holds back a smirk and kicks her down lightly** To guide you, to your master dream! **kneels down to Hilde by a little fire** Now come on... if you're gonna stay you're gonna work **hands her a leaf to fan the fire and make smoke**  
Hilde: **starts fanning**  
Duo: So heed my words! Cause if the army finds out you're a girl! The penalty is DEATH!  
WuFei: **shrugs** Who are you?  
Duo: Who am I? Who am I?! I am the guardian of lost souls! I am the powerful! The pleasurable! The indestructible Mushu! **walks out into sight as the fire dies down**  
WuFei: **looks utterly disappointed**  
Duo: heh... I am pretty hot huh?  
Kahn: **starts stomping him**  
WuFei: **smirks and allows it to continue**  
Jay: **glares at WuFei**  
WuFei: **sighs and pulls the horse away**  
Duo: **looks all deformed now but shakes it off, coughing**  
WuFei: Uhm... my ancestors sent a little lizard to help me? **pokes him**  
Duo: **knocks his hand away** hey... Dragon... DRAGON. Not lizard, I don't do that tongue thing... **does the tongue thing**   
WuFei: but you're... uhm..  
Duo: Intimidating? Awe inspiring?  
WuFei: Annoying...  
Duo: **sighs**  
WuFei: Tiny... in more ways than one **smirks**  
Duo: **wonders what he's smirking about** Of course! I'm travel size for your convenience. If I was my real size... your cow here would die of fright. **pets the horse's head**  
Kahn: **bites at him**  
Duo: Down Bessie...**sits on WuFei's shoulder** My powers are beyond your mortal imagination. For instance, my eyes can see straight through your armor.  
WuFei: **eye twitches and he slaps him**  
Duo: **falls to the ground**  
Hilde: **helps him up**  
Duo: Alright! That's it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! **looks at Hilde** Cri-Kee, make a note of this!  
Hilde: **grabs a leaf and stick and acts like she's taking dictation**  
Duo: Dishonor on You! Dishonor on your cow! Di--!  
WuFei: **grabs him and holds his hand over his mouth**  
Duo: ew... now where has that been....  
WuFei: Ok ok... I'm sorry... I'm just nervous. I've never done this before.  
Duo: Then you're going to have to trust me. And don't you slap me no more! We clear on that?  
WuFei: **sighs and nods**  
Duo: Alright then...Let's get this show on the road! Cri-Kee get the bags! Let's move it Heifer! **claps his hands as he walks off screen**  
Hilde: **follows**  
WuFei & Kahn: **stare oddly**  
Jay: **smiles** CUT!  
~~end scene~~  


Ok... I know this was VERY short... but you see I wanted the part where Mulan goes into the camp to be one big chapter so I stopped right before. Hope you're still reading ^_^   
  



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